Remove Sorrow from Relationships

For a majority of us, it is our relationships that bring us the most joy and most sorrow. However, when we are in a relationship, whether it may be parents, siblings, spouse or friends, it is confined to the level of the mind and the body. Even though we express the word love, it is through a body-conscious level. And this is the true cause of many of the relationship problems.

Parents often say that they love their children un-conditionally, but how often have we noticed that when a child acts against the parents wishes (maybe for their own happiness), the parents disown them. This causes a tremendous amount of sorrow to the child who always believed that his/her parents would support them all the way, and the parent who thought that their children would always follow their guidance feels a similar sorrow. The parents always have the child’s best interest in mind, and do not want the child to get hurt. But true unconditional love would allow the child to choose his own path, no matter how ridiculous it seems, knowing the fact that the child will learn through its positive and negative experiences.

Parents must understand that they have brought their children to this earth, but they do not OWN them. Each soul has come with its purpose of learning through experience, and if a point comes when the parents block the experience of the child, naturally the child will break-free. It is because the parent and child are so connected on the body-mind level, they are unable to accept this situation. If parents simply realize, that their main purpose of bringing the child to the earth is to care for him/her for a certain amount of years, it will be easier to accept that the child is an entity by itself with its own journey of self-discovery. The challenge is to let go of this sense of “ownership”, and realize that the parents are simply the delivery company. Imagine if FedEx starts taking ownership for every package it delivers, don’t you think there would be a serious problem? Or, if every tree behaves as though it owns the fruit, would we have anything to eat?

A similar issue occurs in marriages – the sense of ownership. By all means, it is important to be committed and faithful in relationships, but it is also imperative to realize that each person in the relationship is also on their own journey of self-discovery. By accepting and allowing that person to grow in his/her own manner, instead of molding him/her in our own ways will reduce much of the sorrow.

Furthermore, the over-exaggeration of the concepts of soul mates also causes a lot of trouble, once again because we see soul mates from the body/mind consciousness. During the early stages of marriages, we often hear the phrases “I found my soul mate”, “you complete me”, “you are my better-half”, etc.  A few months later, we hear that the couple that at one point had “completed” each other, have divorced.

The fact is that the soul is “complete” by itself. This is why it is born alone, and dies alone.  The soul is basically a seed, and every one that has a relationship with that soul is simply nourishing it by offering so called “sunshine” and “rain” for it to grow. However, from a body/mind-consciousness perspective, we try to mold that seed into the type of flower we would like to live with. And this goes against the nature of the flower. Every flower in the garden is different because each seed is unique. The only place we see flowers that are exactly the same, is in a controlled environment.

To prevent the dis-belief of the fact that the person who we once thought was our soul mate, no longer “completes” us, we must realize that we are already complete. We do not need anyone to complete us. The body and mind may need a mate, but the soul does not. It is simply because the mind and body feel incomplete, that the individual thinks that the soul is incomplete and needs a mate.  

Each soul is a complete seed within itself. All it needs is water and sunshine to blossom to it’s full potential. Let us try not to mold each soul in a manner that best suits us. Education and society have been molding human beings in a manner to suit their self-interests, and this is why, today many individuals cannot fully express themselves, and have forgotten who they truly are.

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