The Blame Game – you love
this game if you’re on top, and absolutely hate it when you’re on the bottom.
This is the game that is played by everyone, in every walk of life. You’ll find
politicians, entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers, teachers, students, parents,
terrorists, and even many so called “highly revered” spiritual gurus playing
this game. It may seem that the blame game has become part of our nature, but
the truth is that this is an acquired behavior, not our true nature.
I was totally awesome at
this blame game. I blamed my parents for all the challenges in my life. I blamed
them for all the countries to which we had to relocate, because I had to leave
my old friends and find new ones. I blamed them for moving to Taiwan because it
was so difficult for a foreigner to find a job. I even blamed them for my
health conditions; after all it was due to their defective genes that I was
sick, wasn’t it?
However, I realized that
whenever I blamed my parents, there would be no resolution. By not accepting
their “fault” for my life, it was left up to me to take responsibility. This
simple conviction and resolution to take control of my life changed my attitude
and behavior. Unfortunately, the blame game did not end here, since I had many deep-rooted
beliefs that were surfacing in the form of blame.
So, when I lost partial
vision, which was a huge challenge for me, once again I started the blame game.
Although, this time I could not blame my parents because they were suffering
from my pain as much as I was, or even more. Therefore, my blame turned towards
God. Unfortunately, God did not become defensive, take responsibility, or
justify Himself. Due to God’s non-responsiveness, I turned the blame upon
myself, upon my Karma.
The situation I have
described here may be different for you, but the context is the same. First we
blame our parents, friends, and society, next we blame God, and finally we
blame ourselves. Based on my experience none of these types of blame games are
healthy or resolve the situation. It’s simply a way to escape from the
responsibility to take any action.
Therefore, if you have the
courage and inner resolve to put an end to this blame game, here are a few mind
shifts that you can adopt.
·
Observe life from a higher
perspective
– Observe from a mindset that everything happens for a reason, and the
situation has contributed or will contribute to the expansion of someone’s
consciousness. At best, allow it to raise your consciousness. Either choose to
take some action to prevent the situation from occurring in the future, or
change your mindset on how you perceive the situation. In addition, if the
individual has taken responsibility for the situation and accepted the mistake,
it’s time to quit the blame game. Unfortunately, very often, we bring up the
situation and create unnecessary conflict. Why?
Simply because we haven’t
developed mindfulness, and our reactions are automatically triggered whenever
that individual annoys us.
·
Raise your level of
mindfulness
– People will tell you that you always have control over your behavior and
attitude. I would disagree. Most people don’t have control of their attitude
because their lives are running on autopilot. The habits that they have
developed and strengthened over time are dictating their thoughts, speech, and
actions. To take back control in your life, you must first raise your level of
awareness by practicing mindfulness. Start by observing your emotions, and then
observe the thoughts behind those emotions, and finally the beliefs behind those
thoughts. Once you are able to become aware of your beliefs in the present
moment or at the time that you’re blaming, you can re-focus your awareness into
recognizing that belief, and then you can clear it.
·
Cultivate the art of
acceptance
- We all face challenges in life, and will continue to do so. This is the
nature of existence and the key to our expansion. However, because we do not
accept our current situation or life as it is, we slow down our growth. In
addition, realize that because you are involved in the situation, you are also
partly responsible. Your soul’s contract has placed you in that situation for
your personal development. Most importantly, the lesson may be to learn acceptance.
·
Recognize your hidden
agenda - Are
you blaming someone because you are jealous of them? Maybe their life has been
flowing well, with very little effort, and no matter how hard you try, you have
to struggle in every situation. Could it be that you are blaming someone
because you unconsciously have some grudge against that person? This may be the
opportunity for you to learn how to forgive others, yourself, and notice if
there are any other hidden agendas in your beliefs.
In conclusion, remember
that the past cannot be changed; only the perspective of the past can be
changed. And changes must start in the present, if you have made the decision
to take responsibility.
Finally, the blame game
will continue until the blamer takes responsibility of his own life and
forgives the individual who “so called” was being blamed for the situation. This
behavior is ultimately caused because of deep-rooted beliefs as well as our
minds being programmed by our family, society, education, and especially, the
media.
I invite you to shift your mindset and decide not to participate in any blame
game. Take full responsibility of your life, and accept every situation that
you cannot control. By putting a stop to this blame game, you will save a lot
of time, energy, and maintain good relationships.
“I pay no attention to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own
feelings” – Mozart
